There's a lot on my mind so I kind of don't know where to start.
Next... Bette has urged me to focus on not changing anything in my life right now, to support myself with a small group of loving, encouraging friends who will be there for me through this time of healing. On that short list is Patricia, living with me, Dana and Katia. There are ancillary friends as well who know what I'm going through and have been so amazing for me. Last night there was a threat to the stability of this PLAN when Patricia's boyfriend Josh called saying he is miserable in Tucson and needs to get out of there (he's been planning on moving here in June). It really has thrown me. I feel really really anxious and scared about what I would do without her here right now. While I am so committed to supporting her and want to give back to her what she is giving to me, I can't help but want her to stay living here over the next two months. This has been such a sacred time for us, living together, getting to know each other, growing our relationship. We have so much fun together and I feel so safe with her. The other night we had a deep heart-to-heart sitting on the counters in my bathroom and I felt so known and encouraged. She reminded me that I'm going to be okay, that this was something I knew I had to do and this diving into the windows of depression / pain are healthy and necessary to be free. Whichever way it ends up, I know I want Josh out of his toxic environment - it's going to be great for him here in Boulder. They are going to rent Dana's place!!! I know we'll work it out.
Yesterday Bette put together a list of positive beliefs that I have created over the past year - she simply took them from notes at the end of previous sessions. I love these.