Saturday, July 09, 2005

bitchin


Not as in bitchen.

So I went to my garden this morning to plant my final tomato plant and to lay down the three bags of grass clippings Alex gave me weeks ago. Granted, the past month has been insanely busy, I lost my garden buddy (to her likewise busy schedule) and I was away for a week, so I knew I might get overheated trying to get everything done.

But goodness. The weeds. are. out. of. control. And I went to lay down the grass clippings and they are so foul smelling from having grown mold that I literally almost puked. Luckily before I opened the bags I went on a rampage pulling out the thistle. They pulled easily, I think because the soil is so dry now? Anyhow, after most definitely getting HOT and feeling nauseated downwind of the clippings I was so frustrated and annoyed I just wanted to GIVE UP THIS GODDAMN GARDEN BUSINESS ANYWAY!!!

So once again... I found myself watching the absurdity of how I do my life. Because whether it's the garden or trying to make my way through cleaning house or at work, here's what I do:

  • I tend to be too ambitious on the forefront / goal setting
  • I set out toward my goal with a ferocious tsunami-like drive
  • Once I have planted my intial seeds, I grow impatient for the final result
  • I doubt the earth will truly sustain these delicate seeds and they will not grow
  • I become overjoyed and present to abundance when indeed they do
  • Laziness and general neglect take over
  • I begin to get overwhelmed by all the clean up and weeding to catch up on
  • I give up
  • Create a new goal
  • I'm not trying to harsh on myself, but this is what is frustrating for me. Next year I'm not going to do this alone. A full-time garden buddy is what I need.

    2 comments:

    1. Anonymous9:25 AM

      Helen, I love this blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You & I are so alike! You had me laughing out loud & yet commiserating. Wow maybe some year in the future we will be garden buddies. Wouldn’t that be cool! I just loved this, you made my day.



      Love you!



      Mom

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    2. Oh, how much I can relate to this--overly ambitious and anxious for the end results.

      ReplyDelete