Monday, May 15, 2006

state of my union

sometimes there are people
who don't understand
sympathetically
everything that might be going on
for someone like myself
who is leaving a job
overloaded by other things in life,
like a new business
and on and on and on
who don't stop
and think
before so rudely
playing prissy the tattle-tale
WHY
why do that??
why.
what does it proove?
do you really need to show
that you are better than everyone else
because you line up your paperclips
and do everything in order
always the perfect way,
so black and white
well fuck you
I said FUCK YOU
I wish I could tell you to your face

and then there's love.
what about love
all we need is love
love love
I remember
when she said
"well of course he'll hurt you this way,
because that's what bothered you about him,
how insensitive he could be. so of course
he would hurt you by being insensitive"
so on the one hand
A
there's sweet devoted boy
here for me, wants me
and I do like him
enjoy him
~
and on the other hand
B
the one I quit today
I had to quit him
even though he doesn't even know
or didn't even care.
I cared.
in fact nothing is clear with him
at all
hot then cold
flirt then dirt
the best thing for this girl to do
is go bye-bye
the rest is up to him
so I am disappointed
& confused
but I must
walk
away
leaving me here.
utterly
something or other
and thinking
well, so far
this new moon
really sucked.
hope next month is better
because I'm wishin
for a husband.

3 comments:

  1. wow!
    FUCK YOU!

    There's real clarity
    and fire
    in an unambiguous no.

    And there's real hurt, desire, and frustration;
    wrapped in confusion and distorted
    by an unacknowledged hatred
    of the one who is most precious to you.

    'twixt this fire and ice
    there is an unseen opening.

    In the depth of one's belly is an ancient meal that's not been fully digested.

    Sit silently in this raging stew. Feel into the loins of your longing, the coldness and rage of your frustration, and the strength of your allowing to tolerate whatever arises.

    In the very depth of this storm is the beauty of your being.

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  2. Always remember that you are the captain of your own ship. Congratulations are in order for making the decision to *quit* an unfulfilling situation - extremely hard for nearly everyone, but so so necessary in order to get to the fulfilling ones! :)

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  3. It can be sometimes challenging in our life when we are trying to walk through that doorway, bust through, go over the threshhold, make serious change, and how others react to this! People react to watching our growth, maybe because it reminds them they need to do the same? Am I just projecting my own challenges right now? I love this post. You are so strong woman, doing some amazing things right now. Don't let anyone else suck off your power! cant wait to see you!

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