Saturday, July 08, 2006
After talking a lot with Slash these past few days (Millionaire Mind) I've begun thinking & dreaming about my future. When am I going to get to Thailand? And do I really need to own this condo and this car... this life I'm working so hard for right now, are my vacations going to make it worth it? Jen observed about me in the corporate work world... while it's something I can really kick ass at and do well, it doesn't necessarily *juice* me. In fact, it's taxing for me, not really fun and need I mention the stress I've been under the past eight weeks. I am not advocating laying around like a lazy blob, but imagine a world with joyful productive people! We work so hard here, little slaves to the American dream, this land of opportunities. We are so so blessed, yes. And personally I think I maintain a really good balance of having nice things but having an "enough" point. Sure, I have a neverending long and constant list of wants, but does running in this race only make that list bigger? I notice when my stress is high I tend to spoil myself or eat out more etc. because I need more (massages, rest, treats, lattes) and have less (time, homeade food, energy). Anyway. Just wondering. Can I bring the ocean and the exotic world into my heart, into my everyday way of living and walking and breathing? Can I respond to my life and my stresses in a different way, imagining that I am moving more slowly, walking on the beach squishing the sand between my toes? Or do I actually need to be doing that? It's a huge question indeed. I'm tired. I know where this road is heading. But is it bringing me the kind of deep fulfillment I am looking for? Or am I heading in the right direction but merely on the wrong road? And then of course is the beautiful glorious girl's fantasy of well maybe when I meet my husband he's going to have a plan and I can just slip alongside of him and have babies, garden, do a little small business thing on the side and live happily ever after. Oh, wait. That stinks of Capricorn North Node (see Jan Spiller's Astrology for the Soul) life lesson. DAMMIT.