Wednesday, October 04, 2006

crunchy leaves

the leaves have turned
quite stunning
they were
like arches of magic
under and over me
crunchy leaves!
I love fall,
the sort of weeping
release
again can I say magic?!

my computer is totally on the fritz
and I can't even deal
I have so much sweet pictures to post
but I'm so pressed right now
I want to hike up onto the mountain
& let the wind rip into me
let the few remaining leaves
that are clinging on
float down on me
but I can't
it's deadlines
travel
visitors
booked solid, solid
and it's that pressure
stress
thing.
hate that.
hate that.
shallow breathing,
hot flashes
eyes sort of bleary & burning

ah, but such it is
the power period after all, I guess?
not sure.

and somewhere in the back of my mind
the holidays approach
and around the corner from there
is Jan 31
at which point I do believe
I will have no job
and I think
oh. my.
I should really start look
should shmoud
bleh
yikes
ack
and all those noises.
and I sort of kind of
just barely
not even really
am dating someone.
someone that dates back to
April, I believe?
it's going very slowly
VERY
and mostly I just feel
like I'm in it as a witness
just learning
watching
it's funny the things we do
I still have that panic when it goes quiet
in between conversations
men are so different that way!
to me with women it's so fluid
so connected
last night I stared at the bar
during one of those moments
and he looked over at me and I said
"that's a lot of liquor"
as if that's what I was thinking
oh.
the things.

1 comment:

  1. You are being so frank and honest with yourself my dear. Just let it all come to you. You are working hard, I can see this. It is your power period. I see you in your power. Claim this. It is yours.... love you

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