I am on a 7 day vacation
with my dear friend Dana
in N. Scottsdale, AZ
a beautiful little upscale
neighborhood near The Boulders
the town is called "Carefree"
isn't that perfect
right next to the Golden Door Spa
And surprisingly enough
there are huge H U G E
from Boulder to Boulders
it's a "hard stop" here
but as I quickly realized
one needs structure
(especially this one)
even though I've grown into and relish my spontaneous side...
the girl needs plans!
So we agreed that at the very least
every day I need to exercise hard
and eat healthy
then Wednesday down to Tucson for the day
This morning we found a beautiful
state park and so off I ran for a 6 mile loop
Yes, let me repeat that.
Think: Arizona + Sun + Hills = STUPID
I stopped about 1/3 of the way
and asked a guy for a sip of water
He gave me his camelbak & said meet ya at the end!
Oooh my did I need it
What was I thinking?
I even took a big digger towards the end
straight up tripped, caught myself then kabam
I made such a loud OOooph sound
that I started laughing
no one was around though to laugh with me!
But as I ran
and considered how very ridiculous I was
at not listening to myself
ignoring my needs
didn't even think about sun screen on my arms
let alone a hat or water
I *know* wilderness survival (the basics at least)
anyway I was proud that twice
I stopped completely and hid in the shade
(literally) of a big saguaro cactus
and just stopped my craziness
I'm "resting" this week,
trying to rediscover something
that I lost, in all that mayhem in Jan & Feb
what was interesting was how high I was then
such a core sense of I ROCK
but what an external high
an outside source of self-esteem
being in demand, being the ONE everyone needed
I seriously never felt more empowered, wanted & needed
it was a deep confirmation of who I know I am
in power, a leader, the go-to person
And then boom.
It was over and I was literally given a mandate
to stop and rest.
So two weeks later I enter my third week of rest
and I still feel sort of lost & wandering
My new job is going to be very different,
less "tactical" and more about relationships,
coaching & resourcing
which is a vast open space
so it is time to reflect
and enter inside
to that place that is the everlasting pool of wellness
and goodness, the beautiful truth of all our beings
that we are valued
we are worthwhile
we have nothing to prove or DO.
We can just be.
And we are whole.