Saturday, June 09, 2007

"You are a winner, and you KNOW it"

that's the last words she said,
Elizabeth Bishop,
psychic at Lighthouse Bookstore

I went for some piddily diddily
(such a girl) advice
about how to get this man outta my system
and bring in my man

ha!

she starts off by saying
"what are you doing?"
Huh?
what are you doing in your life

um, well, I'm doing a lot of growing
and shedding, feng shuing my home
- she interrupts
NO
you are not following your calling

you need to be bringing beauty to the world,
fashion, film, dancing, something big,
something on TV - like a talk show host?
training people? what?
what is it you want to be doing
when you were a little girl,
what did you want to be?

NO IDEA - blank stare

so she has me meditate,
fast forward 10 years and draw my picture
it's me, with wide arms around my people,
sweet cottage along a creek,
ocean waves, big gentle man,
baby in arms, babes by side

she's like what? what is this?

so challenging, I'm totally lost.
she says, all these compartments
you're so focused on these verticals in your life
instead of radiating from inside out
with the vibrant energy of WHO YOU ARE

she said Mark's an absolute idiot, btw
which of course my little vengeful self loved

she keeps challenging me,
why can't you answer,
what are you so afraid of
it's like you don't feel safe enough to bloom
(I said it's like fear of being attacked, violence)
she said, oh, so if you get too big
it's like you'll be destroyed

but you know you've got bigger fish to fry -
you're doing NOTHING at your current job
and you know it - you're completely bored
... she obviously sees I'm blocked
has me draw it
it's a stick figure with a big ol' box
from throat to gut
she asks, what's that feel like?
how long's that been there
I said, oh, it's from when those boys
tried to stab me when I was 5
... says oh, my! would you like to clear that
CHLOE she yells
and in comes her 75 years old sister,
gentle as a little bird,
has me call my ancestors, angels, who I pray to
I brought Jesus, Bahá'u'lláh, Mary
and she mildly placed her left hand
on my back & then head,
had a feather in her hand up and over up and over
wow,
I felt such lightness and freedom,
fascination

so she begins again,
ahhh, that's better now
LOOK at you, look at you
now is the time to know
that you are not afraid of anything,
it's BELIEVE in you or you fry
this is possible, you are that,
where you fluidly pass through obstacles
and all the world, anything you want is yours

just LOOK at you,
you are a radiant being of light
you can do anything you want
be whoever you want to be
YOU ARE A WINNER
AND YOU KNOW IT!

I then admitted I wanted to be like an Oprah for the world -
what does that even mean for me?

4 comments:

  1. Whoa! Oh honey!! Your Oprah wish: it could mean so many things.

    This is so exciting. You are so powerful and an inspiration to me ALWAYS.

    xo

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  2. we had this "voice of the workforce" survey, and at the end I wrote (very telling):

    The internal processes and systems at this company make my job miserable. I came through an acquisition and am unlikely to stay simply because of this. I enjoy my organization (am excited about the strategy in the marketplace), feel that the workforce is fresh and invigorating (and I enjoy serving these internal clients), but overall my day to day activities are so frustrating I think it is unlikely I will stay.

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  3. What a fab message she gave to you/led you to give to yourself. You know, just the other day, I was thinking about you and the moment I mentioned Claudia Handler to you and you called her and I think it kind of floored you but in a good way and I was wondering if you ever call her anymore. Wow. Run-on sentence. So -- I'm making it mean more than it does perhaps, but it was lovely to read this post and see you having that kind of connection...

    xoxox
    J

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  4. I love this so much, you are doing great work! Congrats on your running as well, what an incredible outlet! You look beautiful

    Thanks so much for your sweet comment on my page

    Life is good
    Life is good

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete