Friday, August 31, 2007

frick

it's official~
I'm slipping
have slipped
into seasonal
downward slope
the slippery YUCK slope
I hate hate hate
loathe
dislike
this feeling
it's so marked
and it SUCKS
everything feels hopeless
*dammit*
the thing that is extra pissy
is that there's really nothing different
that triggered this
but suddenly things begin to become gray
it's like the fading of a movie
and the blackness around me
pours in
and way inside the donut hole is me
but still feeling like I'm in a hole
and not a donut
doesn't that suck?
wait, no, I'm EATING donuts
maybe that's the problem

~ afterthought ~
I've progressed so much in the past several years
understanding my rhythms
and my brain health
learning to speak with my body
and witness and watch and track
I looked back to last year
and what do you know
this EXACT week whoa
major downward dip
so it's about remembering
that we are not in control
and there is *nothing* wrong with me
whether it's my temperament,
sensitivities, cyclothymia whatever,
this is where I am
right here right now
and yes it's so fucking scary sometimes
to get swooshed suddenly
into this place of I don't want to live
make it stop right now
but the beauty is that I'm learning
I'm learning
to let it slip & slide
hoping and knowing
that as fast as it descended
I can swoop up and out again

1 comment:

  1. I like your poem - is your Enneagram a 4?

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