Friday, August 31, 2007


it's official~
I'm slipping
have slipped
into seasonal
downward slope
the slippery YUCK slope
I hate hate hate
this feeling
it's so marked
and it SUCKS
everything feels hopeless
the thing that is extra pissy
is that there's really nothing different
that triggered this
but suddenly things begin to become gray
it's like the fading of a movie
and the blackness around me
pours in
and way inside the donut hole is me
but still feeling like I'm in a hole
and not a donut
doesn't that suck?
wait, no, I'm EATING donuts
maybe that's the problem

~ afterthought ~
I've progressed so much in the past several years
understanding my rhythms
and my brain health
learning to speak with my body
and witness and watch and track
I looked back to last year
and what do you know
this EXACT week whoa
major downward dip
so it's about remembering
that we are not in control
and there is *nothing* wrong with me
whether it's my temperament,
sensitivities, cyclothymia whatever,
this is where I am
right here right now
and yes it's so fucking scary sometimes
to get swooshed suddenly
into this place of I don't want to live
make it stop right now
but the beauty is that I'm learning
I'm learning
to let it slip & slide
hoping and knowing
that as fast as it descended
I can swoop up and out again

1 comment:

  1. I like your poem - is your Enneagram a 4?