Saturday, October 13, 2007

trusting seeds

For my birthday every year, I treat myself to some sort of astrology or psychic reading. Some things are always right on and some minor things are questionable. This year Shoshanna (who is in the Partnership course with me) gave me a reading. She does it through Tarot which I really like and gives these amazing analogies with each card.

The overall theme of her reading is that I need to trust myself and trust the process. Inside of that and towards my future career vision, I need to continue to work powerfully with where I am stuck. If I can't shift, alter and work with my own emotions, how can I lead others to breakthroughs as well? Several cards were about emotions: the King of Cups = being 100% in my body no matter what passes through and that no matter what I feel I'll retain my power and freedom; and Princess of Cups = the discipline of working with emotion, how do I unravel depair? It's by noticing what's there and then practicing ways to dispel the "ick". I thought this emotion piece was interesting since women are such emotional creatures and that women are my target group for my courses.

Regarding more on my "life's work", she said I need to explore new forms of media (radio & TV) - which I've heard before. Also I have to deal with and learn how to continually motivate and inspire MYSELF no matter what is going on in my life, to stay strong, steady and focused on what makes me feel good. As I do this, my life and my work will fluidly merge so there is no separation between my whole life and always doing what I love. And, instead of my old habit of depair = GET OUT of the yucky situation (now it's the job), I have to exploit the opportunity of whatever is there right now, to step out objectively and see many other options.

One of her parting comments about trusting the process (which is for me related to the whole getting out & bailing, fixing and changing situations I don't like) was this spontaneous analogy. She asked, when the farmer sows the corn seed, does he pace the rows with doubt? Does he say oh god nothing is coming up, I'm doing everything I can do but I don't see the results? How are the sun and the rain alone going to grow these seeds? NO. He simply lays them down, covers them up and trusts. He does what he knows to do and all the rest he can't control. Nice huh?

So today I work with my upset about the weather tomorrow - mostly about the 80% chance of rain and the winds up to 30mph. I keep finding myself saying - thank God it's not going to be 80 and hot out though. I would take this weather any day, except for the fact that I have never run a long run with rain, let alone the wind. What do I need to wear for rain? Will I get cold once I'm soaked through? Should I wear a different hat instead of a visor - to keep my head warm & dry? Today I'm going to try this miraculous, absolutely amazing, simple technique that my mom taught me. What you do is when you ask yourself questions, you turn them around. So instead of - oh shit how am I going to make it through being so cold and wet in the rain? I will continue to ask myself how did I do such an awesome job at having fun despite the weather? How did I get so lucky to have the perfect marathon? Woo hoo as she would say!

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