Monday, June 08, 2009

Do you talk to God?

This past weekend I went to a regional burning man event, Apogaea. Oh wow was it fun. Camping really isn't my favorite, but for some reason I really enjoyed it! I camped with four of my favorite people and we spent a lot of time around our "home" laughing and catching up. There was great music so we danced alllll night long - literally on Friday night I had no sense of time until I saw the sunrise come up Saturday morning. Holy crap!

As always with Burning Man events, there was an amazing mix of great people, fun costumes and lots of art.

I think this picture, showing our collection of branches that ask "Y, Y, Y??", described my journey. Every time I've gone to Burning Man (three), I come away with some meaningful theme. This Apo theme was no different, but the depth surprised me as I only expected to have a lot of fun. On Thursday night, I was talking to Amy about my tendency to worry and overplan. She said, "well, yes, you are high strung, and I think you need a spiritual practice". That sounded so good! But how? But what kind of practice?

This inquiry continued on Friday night, when suddenly I wanted to get away from all the noise and bounce. My friend Claire and I walked far into an open field and laid down, with the full moon shining. Claire suddenly asked, "do you talk to God?". Whoa. What a question. Both of my parents are deeply spiritual and talk about their personal relationship with God. I think because both had alternative religions growing up, I rejected all notions of God and religion. Claire asked me to close my eyes and listen.

I heard it. "You need to let go".

Then Saturday morning, my new friend Lara wandered by and suddenly asked to read my palm. I was like, okay, whatever. But no. Holy holy holiness. She asked if around age six I'd had a tragic incident or something else intense. That was when we moved from Colorado Springs to Phoenix, and yes, I really just split. I went from warm, loving, nurturing stable home, to shock, change, new people new facing, the unfamiliar. My mom married Earle and they had my sister, Patricia, when I was 9. The other hit she had was about this dry skin on my hand. She said it was at the base of my ring finger, which symbolizes relationships. Her take was that I've been far too involved in too many relationships and it's clear that I need to back off. What, no more flings??

I left Apogaea with the resolve to become more connected, not just to myself but to something bigger than me. I can hear that voice, I really can. Call it my higher power, my subconscious, God... but this morning I wrote it all down:

* Have no fear, do not worrry
* I am here, let go and trust me
* I am for your greater good
* I am by your side
* Look for me
* Today I want you to envision what you want
* Feel how good it will feel
* You can trust everything that is in your path
* And you attract good people to your life
* Connect with yourself
* It's time. Love her and guide her
* She will find Home
* Lean into me
* Change your approach. Change the scenery.
* Focus on the first sign. Follow.


  1. Beautiful Helen, beautiful... keep it comin lady...

  2. Thank you doll, for sharing this with me. I very much enjoyed meeting you, and please keep me posted on your journey. I think Claire was an angel to ask you that question.

    I love your list! And know that Home is always right there...