Monday, August 10, 2009

Shamanic journey

In case this sounds familiar... Foreshadowing! A psychotherapist who has had Shamanic training was recommended to me to help me with the punk boys incident... something about my soul going back to retrieve that little girl. Accurate description! Here's the transcipt, so to speak:

I went down through the center of a tree trunk, down to the center of the earth. It’s dark and my arms dive forward into broad circles and I’m swimming down to the bottom of the ocean. Pushing through the water, down towards the bottom feels so good, like nothing else. I feel safe and love that it’s dark. There’s a glow at the bottom, sort of like a little portal to some other world. I come to its opening and look inside, all I see is this cove of golden light, everything is glowing yellow. Along the bottom I sense light sparkling off crystals, like little pieces of glitter and rainbows! I sense some sort of energy over to the right, I turn and see hands reaching out to me. She is a beautiful, hooded figure but I can't quite see her her features. Mother. There's a grayish form and shadow of her. I look down to see her skin, try to focus on the skin of her hands, but they aren’t solid, they become part of the golden light. I don’t see her face, I only see the most brilliant glowing yellow sunlight beaming out from under the cloak. It is warming and beautiful. There's a sense of a face-- a golden female. I'm scooped up into her arms. I'm rocked. I see her hands moving over all of me and it's like she is brushing me off, shedding all of that tension and history. She has beautiful, peachy skin--there's a sense of necklaces, of eyes. It's not quite in focus.


She reaches out for my hand and we sort of swim around to explore this golden area. She takes me to another sort of portal, an opening, and I get a snapshot of a classroom, little kid’s wooden desks and chairs. But it’s more soft and special. She’s here to show me something. Then at the opening there's a live picture of those boys and that incident. I hear myself “I thought I was going to die”. This figure, this Mother, this Guide she tells me, "you didn't die". I am standing in front of those boys and she comes up behind me and almost merges her golden energy with the back of my body. I feel so much tension and fear. The part that could be present in the little girl’s body got knocked out by that knife’s blow.

There are fields of tall grass. She's reaching in. She reached through with her golden hand through the front of my chest, out through the back and is behind me. There’s the little golden child. She's been living in the grass surrounded by the golden light. She's anxious to come home to me. She was afraid she was going to die so she had to leave. The little girl is behind me peeking through their legs. Her eyes say is it safe to come back?

.. The intrusion of the man's voice from the other office. Whole body went rigid. Lost the connection. I suddenly bob right up to the top of the ocean. Wow. [literally at this point there was a man in a neighboring therapists office who was yelling SO LOUD - probably at his wife - literally yelling profanities, etc. It was so bizarre and even the therapist was like, uh, this never happens. We both decided it was perfect to show me how in my daily life I live in such fear that this situation would be recreated... violence... men] I ask to be helped back down into the ocean. I’m still freaked by the man yellow, so I suddenly put a warrior/protector to guard the door. He is like a Native American warrior but completely sheer white. He has a large circular shield and a spear.

They're taking me back down through the water. It's like being in a warm bath. I feel endangered. I see me with a sword. They tell me that I don't need that here. "Let them help you relax. It's o.k. now. You do have a warrior protector to help... lean on our light as the rope from the heavens. It's o.k. You can let go. You will be able to ...."

I am suddenly back with the boys. They (other golden warm Beings) form a circle around me, between me and the boys, and then that Warrior stands between us and the boys. I feel protected and the guide stands in front of me. There's a ceremony going on. "This is about you being with you in a more relaxed way. It's about receiving the mothering you never did receive." In that papoose of golden light the little girl is inside too. And they brought me to an orchard. I run around and and climbed apple trees with her. Then we’re spinning on a sort of merry-go-round. Playing. Then I'm being spun around or the golden around me is spinning around, flying off like honey. I'm being shaken off. I’m inviting the little girl to come join me on my lap. My Guide is behind me, holding me, and I’m holding the girl in my lap. She turns around and I’m holding her. There is no merging yet, but it feels good to hold her. The guide is sewing us together with her light, literally I can see the needle of light going through me and her, in and out. Then this spinning, the golden thread being spun around us into golden light cocoon, delicate, but firm. Then I’m back up on top of the ocean. Returned the way she came. Back up through the tree.

Those hands.....

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