Wednesday, January 13, 2010

adversity

Adversity: a state of great suffering and distress

I'm having one of those days.
You know, where every. single. stinking. call. Problem. Annoyances. Dilemmas.

I don't travel for business. I'm INSIDE Sales. That's my title. My customer is demanding we come onsite. My field rep can go onsite, but really only for $$$ deals. I do $$ deals. And the customer, "I don't know if it will be $$ or $$$, but my boss isn't going to spend $$ unless you're here".

My big big BIG deal that I've moved up and over and through mercury in retrograde BS for weeks now, suddenly the people that HAVE the purchase order are MIA. They were responding to me in minutes when I'd call, now it's been 48 hours. I'm confused. And frustrated. You HAVE the damn order in your hand, what in the F are you doing with it?

Another customer is asking me some "simple" questions about this product set that I feel like I should know. I really struggle with the technology I sell because it's very sophisticated. And I'm not savvy to that degree. I'm just not. It's the most uncomfortable feeling in the world for them to ask those quick questions and for me to say, uh (feel stupid, panic inside, don't know what to say), we'll have to get my engineer on the phone for that.

And a big etcetera etcetera...

So I took off on my bike to enjoy a little of this warm and sunny wintry day, and after a lot of gulps of fresh air and some of those tears falling down my face "from the cold air", I thought about how life is a wheel. And that wheel is always turning. It's moving forward, always. All of the spokes are parts of our lives - relationships, career, money, friendship, birth, death, homes, cars, birthdays, etc. And so we go with the flow. There are highs, there are lows. There's good, there's bad. There's a wealth of money, there's very little money. There's conflict, there's peace. There's drama, there's love. (Sound of an emergency brake) Ah, yes, DRAMA. Drama drama drama.

I believe that is part of the family called "Struggle". Oh, she is my friend. I love her so. Why is it so pleasurable to constrict, to run arguments through my head, to twist my face in anger and dispute that which is happening now? Why hold onto that thought, "this shouldn't be happening"? What if I could accept what is happening? What if I gave it a minute, gave it some space. And breathe, relax. What if I could remember... that wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'...

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