Your question: question around sex/money and removing barriers or blocks you have in allowing pleasure, trusting that everything will be okay.
Your light shines brightly now and when it dims you feel frightened and alone. It is the way of the poet and the dancer: to be articulate and then empty for as sleep follows action so does fallowness follow fertility.
Sex and money are not quite the same. They are both used as currency, unfortunately, but they are not equal energies. Sex is about pleasuring the body, arousing the inner fires of kundalini, the spirit of self awareness combining with the stimulation of another. Money is often about security, about knowing one’s place in the world and about feeling safe. Sex and money come together when one feels high over gaining money or rich from selling sex. The American culture bottles both as aphrodisiacs and soporifics but in fact all they are doing is selling stuff to make people feel good who are disconnected from their source.
You are an enlightened being. You have travelled on the road to knowledge and you know deeply in your heart that you are satisfied with little other than genuine love and laughter and the good company of those you love as well as a pleasant amount of money and goods to keep you warm and safe from poverty. Yet you find that if you hide that knowledge from yourself you can continue buying into the “packaged deal” that is offered by the media and push yourself to promote, purchase, and overextend. Under that activity is an uncertainty you feel that makes you wonder and feel uncomfortable. Unworthy. Unearned. It is as simple as seeing genuinely your own knowledge: that you are fully engaged in life as you are without further enhancements of things and blings and more and more money. This is not to say that you don’t deserve beauty and luxury and lightness of being, not true at all for you have lived many lives of struggle in the past and are now enjoying a rather pleasurable existence without much struggle.
What it does mean is that you are full as you are without needing to be any grander and the fact that you can earn more money or buy more stuff is only a frosting on a cake that is quite delicious the way it is. To continue to pursue money with a deadly seriousness that precludes laughter and delight is to say to yourself that you are not competent as you are and will be better if you have thus and such. This is not true and you definitely know it inside. This may explain your feelings of undeservedness. For it is not about how much money you have at all. It is about how you give it to others and how you also spend your time on this earth. If you want to spend it in hot pursuit of money, then do so with the joy of the game, like a child winning golden fish in the fair. The game of money is like any other game, it is play. And play is more important to you in the long run than thoughts of power or ruin.
What is really important to you in the center of your universe is your feeling of adequacy. And this feeling is subverted by an old proverb you were once told, that women are not supposed to be stronger than men and that you must abide in the shadows until you have been selected as a mate. On the surface, you fight this edict. You rant and rave and carry on in a most vociferous way that women are equal and strong and the best on the planet but underneath you have not fully believed this rhetoric and you have a subconscious urge to subvert your own successes to be available to match with a partner who will take the limelight. Here’s where you go in the ditch!
What the real Helen wants is to be comfortably well off without struggle yet have time and energy to pursue healing techniques and become intimately acquainted with the souls of people around her whom she loves and by whom she is loved. Your soul is smarter than you and knows this is true. That what is really important is this quality of connectedness that is genuine and grateful and giving and has very little if anything to do with money. Or sex, for that matter, because each of those is a currency it doesn’t need to feel good. Not to say you don’t enjoy either, but that is not really what makes you tick. What makes you tick is intimacy with others who share your joy. This is the bottom line for you. Intimacy. That wondrous quality of life that has so much to offer you and yet you avoid it for what the common man thinks is power or fulfillment.
So the message for you today is to relax. Let the genuine Helen perform her miracles in her healing, loving touch and her sheer delight at being alive. This is your magic. Each element of your life will fall into place as you stop the relentless search for fulfillment through external delights and summon the courage to live in your own body and mind as a full human being who is more than adequate; who is enormously talented in her abilities to perceive the consternation's of others and deliver the message to them that they, too, are okay in who they are without any enhancements, trappings, bangles or beads.
Your true work now is to melt into yourself as though you were a candle constructed as a tower which when lit ultimately becomes a puddle. It is in this true nature as the puddle that you are reborn not in the molded tower you presented. Let go. Be really open to the people you encounter. Allow them to inform you as to their needs and their willingness to be part of your existence. Listen quietly to what they want and let them speak then see if you feel close or not. If not, move away. If you feel close and drawn toward them then participate in the dialog that comes next.
The fantasy of power and strength that you have encountered now in your life is just that, a fantasy. What is truly your contribution will come when you have abandoned the packaged self for the real Helen who is much more wholesome and more enlivened by life.
Pursue now your true abilities as a healer. You have an enormous ability to see through the veils of others illusions. Let yourself practice this in your work. See your job as a journey of fun. See selling as a way to connect to others true selves. As you approach people at the true level of their souls, your sales will increase. Because beneath the gauze of illusion, each customer wants to be heard, appreciated, and seen for their own inner strength.
As for purchasing, let this be a template for disaster. For now, withdraw from any purchases you don’t really need. Let yourself enjoy the game of austerity. It is a time for this, worldwide. Find pleasure in resisting. Find pleasure in making do. Find pleasure in being without any new items you are attracted to. This can be as pleasant as buying things, more so actually.
Helen, you are an infinite being. You are not the product of the limited sphere you set upon yourself, the definition you too willingly take on. Embrace your new experiences as teachers who descend to instruct you. Allow the day to form without your intervention. You needn’t hold up the world.
Create what you want by being truly connected to your soul. Abandon the messages you receive from the outside, from the news, from the ads, from the friends who urge you to prove yourself. Instead, listen quietly to the voice that has been nagging you inside, that asks you to stop and reconsider your own values. That voice is loving and accurate.
Be at peace, dear child.