Monday, October 18, 2010

Birth and Breath


A few weeks ago I took a course called The Body Never Lies: Psychology of Symptoms. It was FAR more powerful than I ever could have imagined. It's very difficult to describe the intensity and freedom that came from this experience. The instructor worked with me in front of the room and my symptom was anxiety. Very quickly and in the most surreal, bizarre, miraculous sequence of events, my body worked its way back to birth. I was gasping for air, letting go of my breath, floating away, coming back again, my lungs full of silence. I was born at home, back when they didn't have all the fancy (excessive) monitoring instruments of today, and I remember the story that the umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck.
After class I asked my mom about this and she said she remembers that the cord was displaced in a way that my head was pressing down on it, probably cutting off oxygen. The doctor was able to re-locate the cord (happened twice), and my assumption is that I probably was semi-anesthetized by the lack of oxygen.
In that seminar, in front of the class, with witnesses, I went through only what could be called a birth-simulation. Now, even though I probably seem like a super woo woo to some of you, if I were to have read about this experience I would have been skeptical. But because it happened to me and was SO far out there, I now believe in the impact of birth trauma and also how it can be healed. My body was running the show, and it was literally going through every motion that you might expect from a baby who was suffocating and struggling. I was there as an observer, but my head wasn't orchestrating this.
Over the past year I've learned (and been very cynical about) many "ideas" about the world of the Soul, the etheric body, etc. But as time has gone on, a lot of pieces of the puzzle are coming together in a way that I'm becoming a believer of things I never would have imagined. One of my firm new beliefs is that we as a Soul "choose" our next life, and that in between lives we evaluate our past life, what we learned, then plan for what we want in our next life. I highly recommend a book I read about this called Many Lives, Many Masters. The reason I'm writing about that is that while the Facilitator was working with me, during long periods of me not breathing, one of the Assistants would say "remember why you wanted to come!". Oh, man, THAT would make me fight to breathe! I came to do big things, oh yes I did.
There was another extraordinary exercise where I met two sides of myself, the Right and Left side. The left represents the feminine and the side of me that is recklessly adventuring (so much that my mom's parting words to me are always "BE SAFE HELEN"). What I saw during this exercise is how much the Right side has been in the driver's seat, keeping me safe and navigating the roads. This side has pushed me to be successful, to have a career, do responsible things and "make something" of myself. Now that it's time to wander into a new profession, I had to make room for the Right side to come along, but let the Left side drive.

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