Monday, September 05, 2011

Meanwhile...

I'm feeling grateful right now for support. I am surrounded by some damn amazing girlfriends who are such good listeners and cheerleaders. Vaguely I remember some poem or saying about how when you die you'll count your friends/family and not your money in order to measure the value of your life. I'm certainly very rich.

And speaking of money, I'm experiencing a freedom and detachment with money like I have never had. There is an absence of worry, an absence of fear. In its place is a surreal sense of peace, faith and neutrality. There have been some frustrations for sure, like waiting two months for any sign of unemployment check, then receiving a letter that my HP earnings were disqualified and therefore I was entitled to only one week ($480) of unemployment. Ouch! As an aside, my first call to CO Unemployment had me on hold for THREE HOURS AND FIVE MINUTES, and the second call I was on hold for an improved 2 hours and 16 minutes! Fortunately there is a Federal emergency program in place and that has kicked in to replace the State decision. I've reduced my expenses so much that I can scrape by for a little while before having to deal, and fortunately I did all the right things the last ten years so I have some emergency savings in place.

Speaking of dealing, I'm so happy to escaped reality and vacationed this last month. I've got one more to go and then I'll face my life. I knew going into this that it was going to be a life-changer, but also that I could seriously sink to the bottom of the ocean (and fast) without structure. What I know for sure is that I will replace the unemployment income with a part-time job. I need that, to get out of the house, to work with people face-to-face, to "put my pants on" every day! I don't know how I worked from home for HP for so many years. It was suffocating.

When I first quit SOMA, the primary reason was to build my coaching business. As the weeks and now months have gone by, I see a much bigger picture. I have traded the comfort and security of a job title & regular paycheck for a totally NEW life. Wow does it feel good. I've always performed best when I throw myself into something and now I have a clean slate. Part of the new landscape is having the lifestyle that I choose. I refuse to let "luck" give me a job that allows me spaciousness in my day, make good money and most importantly have my precious self-care time in the morning (meditation, journaling, exercise). This is mine for the having and I will not be slave to someone else's schedule. Does this mean I won't work for a living? Hell no! I will work hard but I shall be the slave to my life purpose, my life's work. I will take risks and play the game in order to follow my passion. My new favorite nickname is Helen, CEO of the gypsies. Yes, in case there is confusion, I am a seeker, a wanderer, a suffering soul-searcher. But I vow to build my enterprise and be warmed by the heat of a fire I have built. May it be so!

I follow an astrologer that puts out this killer monthly horoscopes, and this month's had to be captured for its accuracy! Oh, Saturn. You're the bee in my bonnet.

By Susan Miller

A whole new life lies before you, but it will be critical that you find the courage to step forward and take hold of it with both hands. Saturn has been in your sign essentially since October 29, 2009. During this time, you have faced many challenges. It has not been an easy time. Saturn's job is to show you through trials and tribulations that you are a lot stronger than you ever assumed.

By the time Saturn leaves Libra on October 4, 2012, you will be new and improved and able to handle anything life throws your way. Because Saturn departs in 2012 and won't be back again to your sign until September 2039, his lessons will have to be indelible enough for you to remember into the future, at least until Saturn can find time to return to Libra to give you a refresher course.

Whenever Saturn enters any house of the horoscope, it signals a time to change your approach, for Saturn is there to show you that the wind has changed direction. If you use the same formula to deal with life's difficult times that you always have used, you will find that for some reason, the methods suddenly don't work any more. You've been wrangling with Saturn long enough to know that at first, when you saw this happening, you were puzzled you, then probably quite frustrated. The way out of the maze that you find yourself in is to try something new.

What you used to know as truth is now outdated - you must find a new truth. Saturn will continue to twist your arm until you cry uncle and say, "OK, OK, I will try something new - anything to stop this incessant pain!" Once you become experimental and try something new, you find you are on the way to cracking the code on your dilemma. Even if you try the wrong approach at first, Saturn will be pleased that you are stepping with the program and at that point (and only then) Saturn will send in helpers to advise you. I have seen this happen over and over in just about everyone's chart who has been under Saturn. We all waste time at the start, trying desperately to use old formulas that always used to do the trick, but they just don't work.

Whatever one thing you are choosing to do is new to you, and will be with you for many years in the future. I know it is so easy for me to tell you to hang on, but please believe me - you are doing well, and learning much. Others around you may not understand the loneliness and alienation that Saturn brings in these trends, especially if they have not experienced anything similar. Saturn always isolates - it is the trademark of a Saturn trend, for Saturn wants to encourage your resourcefulness to find your way out of the maze.

It is true that facing big challenges makes us strong and proud afterward, and they say Saturn never gives reward during a trend but after it is over - that's a big point. All we get under a Saturn trend is earned, and we get as good as we give.

Here is an idea I thought about. When you have a problem you are trying to solve, ask a variety of people for advice. Ask your grandmother, your father, your best friend, your professor, or your co-worker for their stories and their wisdom. Just as a scientist goes into a rainforest or studies a certain bacteria to help solve pain and suffering of disease, we must be social scientists too, in the laboratory of life. Ask people and you may get amazing ideas. Inspiration springs from very unusual sources, just when you never expect to get an epiphany. I have learned it is not the answers in life that we need, but rather, the questions.

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