Sunday, July 14, 2013

So THIS is 40!

  • Obsession with my face.  Over the past six months I discovered that my skin has either changed or has been changing, in a not so flattering way.  Breakouts, wrinkles, dryness, dullness... and this has resulted in a massive pursuit of every kind of thing you could imagine - a steamer, colloidial silver mask, vitamin D oil, alpha-beta peels, Ferulic and Retinol eye serum, skin primer, Mega Mushroom face cream, and more.  The result is more creamy, smooth, bright skin!  Happy Helen.

  • Success in work.  All the ways that I'm spending my time working are so well lined up.  I'm ridiculously well cut out for my day job (full-time Sales Recruiter), feeling empowered as the Board President of my HOA (277 units, $1M annual income), running my women's circle and working through my Masters in Counseling at Regis.  In all four of these areas of work, I'm using my strengths and everything is coming naturally for me.  Indeed, no one loves being the Boss more than I do.

  • And yet.  I'm fussy.  Irritable.  Feel like something is off.  I've felt this way since just after my 40th birthday, which was the most amazing, uplifting experience!  I absolutely cannot put my finger on it.  I'm NOT unhappy.  I'm NOT in a bad relationship or dissatisfying job.  I have financial abundance.  Around the time I started feeling this way, someone pointed out "that's why they call it a mid-life crisis."  Oh.  Shit. 

  • Self-care.  My life seems out of balance to me, and I'm not taking care of myself.  I'm watching TV at weird hours, eating foods that don't make me feel well, working too much (see bullet #2!), going to bed too late, feeling groggy and gross in the morning, doing wimpy 20 minute in-an-out gym workouts, never having (making) time to meditate - or falling asleep as soon as I start, rushed journaling for just a few minutes (instead of the 30 I've done for 10+ years).  This has been going on for a long time, and while I notice the need for a shift, I'm too freaking tired, unmotivated or actually just don't know what I need. 

  • This is a really strange time in my life.  I don't like myself right now, and ooh that's hard to write.  At least I'm not shaming myself about anything.  It's just... I'm off.  And I can't find the on. It will pass and I will have a breakthrough and be back to my shiny, empowered self.  But for now (as Shaya pointed out recently), "I'm so annoyed" is the start of about every other sentence.  And I find that SO annoying!

  • Otherwise, life continues to be amazing, as you can see:
    My niece Breauna graduated high school!

    And then there's this little nugget, my nephew Skyler:
    Good friends, family, civil unions, little doggies, a tan of freckles, my Dad, vacations (Sedona and Lake Havasu) and three great sisters....

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